When Jealousy at Work Bites You...
AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!
Guest Post Author: Michelle Ruhe
We educators go through some definite phases. The first year, we think we know far more than we do, and we just know we’re going to change the world. Years 2 and 3 we realize how much there is to learn, and we grow. A LOT. Years 4-7, we feel like we have a pretty good handle on things. We refine our practices, get better at things, and really start to feel comfortable. This is when many of us try our hand at different grade levels or entirely new practices. After year 10, we feel confident and ready to get creative, and because we’ve learned so much, we can begin to really think outside the box. We start to hone in on specifics, and begin to “own” some things. Getting to this stage takes years of deep reflection, untold amounts of time spent learning, and a tremendous amount of trial and error. Getting to this level is hard-won. Getting to this place took a fair amount of sweat and many tears. It’s at this later stage that we begin to take on more, to share our expertise, and often when find ourselves acting as support and mentor to many.
Unbeknownst to us, someone is watching all of this. Usually, that someone is in a position very close to yours. You notice that this person shuts you out. They keep you at arm’s length--sometimes through their actions, sometimes their words. Sometimes, you’re even outright snubbed.
I know how this feels, because there are three distinct times in my 20+ years in the field that I have found myself here, and it’s awful. It weighs you down and sucks the joy out of your day. It’s heavy on your mind and heart and leaves you feeling alone. And deflated. All. The. Time.
You feel lost, because you have absolutely no idea what you did to deserve it.
But I’m here to tell you: It’s not you. It’s them!
There’s even a term for it.
I first heard it this year, 21 years in, from Gerry Brooks, that hilarious YouTube principal with the overly-exaggerated southern drawl. He was a keynote speaker at this year’s National Reading Recovery conference. When he explained it, it hit me hard. I realized, in that moment, that it wasn’t ever me. Then, because the world works in very mysterious ways, I heard it again, a couple months later, when Steve Barkley alluded to it on his podcast (posted at the end of this blog post!). And I read about it some more, serendipitously at about the same time period, in Brene Brown’s Dare to Lead.
It’s called professional jealousy.
So as it turns out, it wasn’t me. Because, as I’ve learned from Angela Kelly Robeck, principal-turned-life coach, our feelings are created by our own thoughts. Our thoughts are completely controlled by ourselves. But the reverse, then, is also true--we cannot control those thoughts, and therefore those feelings, in others. It’s completely, 100% out of our control. The way other people feel, which is driven by their own thoughts, is completely on them.
So stand tall, friend. Know that your hard work, your growth, and your devotion to students is worthy. It’s BIG. So big, in fact, that at some point, someone who feels insecure will be jealous. Let them. It’s on them. And then shift your thoughts. Remind yourself that because of all that you’ve accomplished and learned and experienced, because you are in that hard-earned place, others will look to you. How they handle their own feelings is not your concern. They have some growing to do, and hopefully in time, they will. Forgive them for not being there yet, and gracefully move past it. Because you definitely will.
And that phase is the best phase of all.
MEET THE AUTHOR:
Michelle spent 15 years as an elementary teacher in multiple grade levels across several states before becoming a reading specialist for an additional five years. She now happily serves as literacy coach in a K-5 building in South Carolina. As a literacy coach, she connected with Casey via the New to Coaching Facebook Group and The Breakthrough Circle, and enjoys frequently thinking and learning about all things literacy with her.
Welcome! I am Casey Watts- Collaborative Leader and Culture Changer!