Let Me Be Clear: Your Coaching Mindset Affects Every Interaction You Have

It's been a hot minute since I've recorded solo. I'm on a streak of having one guest after another, and it's really exciting. I love having guests on the show because they get to finish a let me be clear statement. Today I have Chrissy Beltran with me, and I'm pumped about it because it's going to support so many of you who fill a coaching role, no matter what position you're in.

Meet Chrissy Beltran

Chrissy is an El Paso based consultant who helps schools, coaches, and districts design coaching programs that improve instruction. She hosts the Instructional Coaching with Miss B podcast, now nearing 300 episodes, and is the author of Expand Your Coaching Toolbox.

Want to listen to this episode? Apple Podcasts  |  Spotify

Chrissy's Let Me Be Clear Statement

"Your coaching mindset affects every interaction that you have with people, with the people that you coach."

Chrissy explained that we tend to think about coaching as a really special thing that we put in a little box. But in reality, we have interactions with people constantly, all day long, in the hallway, in meetings, in passing. All of those interactions are part of our coaching. So we have to have a mindset that guides the way we interact with people, basically from the moment we hit the door.

Always Be Coaching

Chrissy once sold expensive cutlery in college, and one of the things they teach salespeople is always be closing, always thinking about what needs the person has and how you can match them to something beneficial. One day she was thinking about coaching and realized coaches are always listening, always trying to figure out what a person needs and how to move things forward. So instead of ABC, always be closing, she moved it to ABC, always be coaching.

Here's what that looks like in practice. You're passing somebody in the hallway and they complain, oh my gosh, these kids cannot multiply. You say, that's a rough one, multiplication is tough, and you commiserate for a second and move on. Always be coaching means asking a question instead, something like, I know it's a lot, can I come by tomorrow and we can take a look at that? That question moves you further into the relationship instead of just putting a period on the end of the conversation and walking away.

What Gets in the Way

Chrissy said fear is one of the biggest blockers. What if they say no? Most of the time they don't, they might be a little taken off guard, a little surprised, but they mostly say yes. The fear is more like, what if I look like a dork?

Casey shared that she has experienced this thinking herself. They could say no to this, and then I'm going to process that as something very personal, as resistance. And then I create my own little narratives about why they don't want to do this, and a lot of those narratives are very inaccurate because I'm just taking it at face value.

Chrissy's advice is to take people at face value instead of writing a story for them. Maybe tomorrow's just not a good day. There are good reasons for people to do things sometimes, a doctor's appointment, a test they're giving. We don't go for the reasons that are comforting, we immediately think the ugly stories about ourselves. So accept what they say and ask if there's a better day this week, and move on.

Complaints Are Often Invitations

Casey wondered out loud whether a lot of those comments, like a teacher saying this is a lot, I've got so much on my plate, are actually bids, an invitation for the coach, even if the teacher doesn't realize it's an invitation. It unveils their trust with you to be able to say something like that in your presence.

Chrissy agreed and said this is turning complaints into actually what you're going to work on together, because people are saying this is a problem I'm having, this is a challenge, and they are entrusting you with it. Her instinct early in her coaching career was to get defensive when it sounded like a complaint about kids. But what people need in that moment isn't your broader philosophical views or the advice monster telling them try this, try this, try this. They want to know somebody is going to help them out. You don't have to take it as a complaint. You can hear it and say this is an opportunity.

Ditch the Rigid Coaching Cycle

Chrissy has worked with so many coaches who feel locked into a six week coaching cycle with a specific structure, teachers on rotation, everybody getting the same amount of time. She's never worked at or with a school where that perfect structure actually played out the way it was supposed to. Having a very rigid model of what coaching looks like is harmful to coaches' self-esteem, and when the cycle gets interrupted by something else pulling you away, it never has closure, and it just feels icky.

Just because you're a high achieving, high performing, or master classroom teacher does not mean you have the skills or inherently the capability to naturally produce high quality master teachers and effectively coach. Those are two different skill sets, and Chrissy said so many coaches are tossed in and build the plane while they're flying it, with a role that was never clearly defined from the start.

The Check-In Strategy

One of Chrissy's favorite strategies is the check-in. You just pop in at a good time, thoughtful about the timing, and say something like, I know your kids were having a really hard time in this area, you want to tell me a little bit more about that? And you follow up. That makes you the forward motion in the relationship.

The teacher did not ask for a coach, you're just there. So it's our responsibility, because teachers are so inundated with tasks and requirements that they're not as likely to reach out. You've got a few early adopters, people some call runners and Chrissy calls friendlies, who will say yes to anything. But the majority of teachers need you to be the one who follows up.

Chrissy's Biggest Takeaway

Chrissy hopes listeners walk away knowing they need to design their coaching role in a way that works for them, flexible enough to value all the interactions they have and move those forward. We're not doing one size fits all coaching, just like we don't do one size fits all teaching. We know that doesn't work, we miss so many kids, and we miss so many teachers when we take that approach too. That's where the toolbox comes from, because every interaction is an opportunity to develop the relationship and choose a strategy suitable for that moment, for that teacher. Really it's about differentiating and being responsive to teacher needs.

What's one small interaction this week you could treat as an invitation instead of letting it pass by?