When Casey showed women the table of contents for her upcoming book, almost every one of them said the same thing: "Oh my gosh, I would open up to the chapter Interrupting Contagious Narratives." In this solo episode, Casey walks through two types of negative contagious narratives, projections and echoes, and gives you words to interrupt each one.

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How Contagious Is a Narrative?

While researching the chapter, Casey came across a model from a medical facility showing how contagious different illnesses are. For every one person with influenza, about one and a half people catch it. For measles, it is 15 people or more.

Casey replicated that model for narratives. For every one positive contagious narrative, about one and a half people might catch on. For every one negative narrative, it is more like five or six. Positive narratives can spread too. It is just a lot harder for them to catch on.

Projections: Borrowed Beliefs

Projections are borrowed beliefs about who we are or how things have to be, passed on to us by other people and carried with us as if they were our own.

While guest teaching a freshman class, Casey overheard a student say, "I have never been good at math. Our family, we're not math people." She had not even enrolled in the class yet, and she already believed it would be really hard.

It happens at work too. You start to share that you are applying for a new role, and colleagues ask, "Are you sure you're ready to give up what you know?" Often they are thinking about themselves in that position. They are projecting their own anxieties, fears and shortcomings.

Echoes: Gossip, Grievances and Complaints

Echoes are the narratives we know best. They are gossip, grievances and complaints that get repeated through groups until they shape how everyone sees the people, the work or the environment itself. Picture a toxic leader finally leaving her position, and the speculation that spreads behind closed doors like wildfire.

Casey shares that for the longest time she would sit in those rooms and say nothing, or nod and agree. It left a nagging pit in her stomach, and her integrity felt fractured. So why do we participate? Casey names three reasons: fear, laziness and blindness.

• Fear: we are avoiding the danger of being excluded or coming across wrong.
• Laziness: our brains are conserving energy, and it is far easier to listen or participate.
• Blindness: ego protection shows up as cognitive biases like the bandwagon effect, groupthink and confirmation bias.

How to Interrupt Echoes

First, reduce the threat. Give people your full attention and let them know you hear them: "It sounds like this has been really frustrating." You can express empathy without diving headfirst into the echoes.

Next, choose curiosity over correction. As Michael Bungay Stanier says, stay curious longer. Try questions like "What outcome are you hoping for here?" or "Are there things we might be missing?" Pick two or three to practice consistently. They are not magical, so stick with it.

Finally, pick the right moment and the right words. That moment is rarely mid-vent, when someone is emotionally activated.

Yes, You Can Still Vent

We all need to vent. Casey's guidance is to reflect first, then tell the person you are about to vent and what you need from them. "I want you to listen and acknowledge." "I need advice." "I need you to push back on my thinking." Otherwise they may take on your echoes, and carrying them from person to person erodes trust.

The Cost of Rising Above

People may question why you are not engaging. You might earn nicknames like Pollyanna. That is a reflection of their discomfort. Casey closes with a quote from Amanda Kunlaba, one of the women she interviewed for the book: "I don't want to be in spaces where we're talking about other women." Set that boundary, and people will see you as someone who can be trusted.

Which contagious narrative are you ready to interrupt this week, a projection or an echo?

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