When things get messy, our first instinct is often to tighten our grip. Make another rule, send another email, fix it right now. Karla Reinhardt knows that instinct well, and in this episode she shares what it cost her as a leader and the simple model she now uses to slow down before she decides.

Meet Karla Reinhardt

Karla is a pre-K through second grade principal, a former elementary and middle school teacher and coach, and a trained specialist through the National Institute for Trauma and Loss in Children. She is also the author of From Control to Connection, which releases in May. Find her presale, templates, and more at controltoconnection.com.

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Learning to Fail on the Mat

Karla's family does Brazilian jiu-jitsu. It started with her son, who had been through some hard things at school and had stopped wanting to talk to people. He watched from the side for the first couple of weeks, then slowly started, and Karla watched him fall in love with it. His humor came back. As she watched the trainers, she thought, this is a lot like life. You have to pay attention to what's happening before you make a decision. So she tried it herself and never left.

She still starts every class with nervous energy. Who am I going to work with? Am I going to do it right? Then she tries the move for the day, and she fails, and that's how she learns. Casey connected this to the reason the podcast exists: clear, confident women go for it, take the bold move, and try something even when it might fail.

Karla's Let Me Be Clear Statement

"Let me be clear, control is not the solution for navigating chaos or change."

Karla said that whether we lead a school, a team, or a home, the first instinct when something goes wrong is often, I have to control it. What's my next move? What can I fix? What she has learned to do instead is stop and think. How can I stabilize myself? What can I think about differently before I make a decision?

When Good Intentions Create the Wrong Culture

As an assistant principal, Karla set out to strengthen her school's behavior systems. She made the agenda, invited the people, printed all the steps, and had the plan. It worked at first. Over time, though, nobody took initiative unless it came through her first.

She noticed it when she started getting burnt out, and then one moment made it clear. A team member shared an idea and looked nervous doing it. Karla thought, I don't want you to be afraid of me. I want this to be a team effort. She realized her intentions and her actions were telling two different stories, so she brought the next meeting back to the team: What are your thoughts on roles? What can you do in your role? What can we all change?

Casey shared how this shows up at home too. A friend once asked her son to put clothes in the dryer, and he did, then waited to be told to start it. When we hold on to control, the people around us can learn to wait for us.

The Triage Leadership Model

While writing, Karla realized this was bigger than school leadership. She interviewed a daytime TV producer, a chef, a medical examiner, a nurse, an EMT, and even the owner of her jiu-jitsu gym, and the same theme kept showing up: connection and trusting your team.

Why the Goalie Dives

In her research, Karla came across a study of soccer goalies facing penalty kicks. Most goalies dive left or right, even though the ball very often goes straight down the middle. That's action bias: the urge to do something because doing nothing feels unhelpful. Connection asks a different question. What's actually happening here? What's the real problem, and what am I reacting to emotionally? Then it brings in other people's views before the decision gets made.

The Power of One Question

Karla's favorite story from her book came from her very first interview, with an EMT friend in Wisconsin. His captain announced a new rule: on domestic calls involving a woman, the female paramedic on duty would respond. When he shared it with his female paramedic, she was upset. His first thought was that she didn't want to do the work. Then he stopped and simply asked why.

Her answer: for years, men in the field had treated anything involving women's health as something to stay hands-off about, and this rule would make that official. He took it back, and they changed the rule. One question, asked without judgment, changed the outcome.

Who This Book Is For

Karla wrote From Control to Connection for anyone who carries the weight of helping others or leading. School leaders will find templates and tools they can take right back to their buildings, and she hopes every reader finishes a chapter with something to use. She also realized the leader is the mom, the parent, anyone who has to help figure out a system.

Where do you feel the pull to take control this week, and what might change if you asked why first?

Connect with Casey at clearisthenewconfident.com, on LinkedIn and Instagram. Planning an event? Book Casey to speak.